This is our collection of clocks that don’t work.

We bought the middle one at an antiques market in Buenos Aires. Then my husband went to China on a work trip and brought back the dazzling Communist Ballerinas Clock–which, clearly, is one of the most perfect objects made by human hands. The one with the little holes along the sides is from a road trip my friend Melissa and I took to Portland a few months back

I love every one, mostly because they come with such good memories attached, but sometimes I wish I had an actual alarm clock. One that told time.

With that in mind, I’ve been hunting for vintage-inspired alarm clocks that can do amazing things. They tell you what time it is! They wake you at the proper hour! It’s a brave new world, my friends.

Retro Alarm Clock
$77 at Revive Home

Assorted Wind Up Clocks
$10 at Pearl River

Linden Street Square Bronze Clock
$20 at JC Penny’s

That ’70s Retro Alarm Clock
$19 at Digital Gift Store

Moonbeam Alarm Clock
$35 at Bitwise Gifts

I know what you’re thinking. But where’s my fully functioning Communist Ballerinas Clock? My friend, I feel your pain.